Bernstein: Khalil Mack Makes Everything OK

October 10, 2018 - 3:01 pm

(670 The Score) The Dow Jones Industrial Average is down 600 points as I write this, with fears of rising interest rates and the over-valuation of tech stocks forcing portfolio managers to the sidelines.

Which is fine, because the Bears have Khalil Mack.

Global temperatures are now understood to be on an unstoppable climb, even if we had government leaders who respected science enough to care to want to try. Severe weather events of all kinds are only going to get more frequent and worse, so our future includes more drought, wildfire, famine and hurricanes, yet another of which is whipping the Gulf Coast again at the moment before we've even recovered from the last one, which has left the Carolinas with billions in damage and now an infestation of mutant mosquitoes.

Is Khalil Mack still on the Bears? Yes?

Then whatever.

The latest outbreak of another once-eradicated disease is occurring at the University of Michigan, where the mumps are back thanks to people who decided not to vaccinate their kids after falling for the debunked quackery of a crazed physician who had his license stripped. The damage done across the board and the truth a loser in this battle, our herd immunity to any number of preventable ailments is more likely to be compromised.

But that No. 52 is a thing.

Politics is poison and spite, outright lies and ominous Orwellian gloom, as democracy has turned meanest to the most vulnerable, fearfully nativist and reptilian in a way increasingly designed to entrench the powerful and entitled at the expense of others less fortunate by birth. Much of the populace is all but lost in the sucker scheme, left to kill itself slowly with pills as the gears of existence slow and grind. The mills and factories close with nothing to replace them, higher education has become unreachably expensive and any major health concern can mean bankruptcy and ruin.

Khalil Mack was the defensive player of the month, though.

The universe is expanding faster than we thought too, based on recent evidence revealed by the Hubble Space Telescope​. The rules of physics themselves apparently need to be reconsidered to explain a discrepancy in measurements of how quickly everything is breaking apart, and it's especially bad close to home according to the positions of eight Cepheid variables in our own Milky Way galaxy, which could be expanding at 10 times the previously understood rate. Not to mention the 4.5 billion-year-old asteroid named Bennu that's on a collision course with Earth and could hit early next century.

So it's good that on Sunday, Khalil Mack is going to run right over to Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill and strip the ball out of his hands while he eats his face off.

I also just realized we're out of paper towels, there's something stuck in the drain in the kids' bathroom, the screen door in the back isn't closing properly now and I left my clean laundry in the basket so long that it's going to be wrinkled beyond hope no matter when I fold it.

I hope the Bears win the toss and defer.

Dan Bernstein is a co-host of 670 The Score’s Bernstein & McKnight Show in middays. You can follow him on Twitter @dan_bernstein.​​​​​​​​